2011, what a rough start....
Oh well, I never thought, I would be on my lappy, the first day of the year, crying my guts out...
Yesterday at church, made me realize, how much I envy knowing what does the word "family" really is. What I know as family, is something that just for fun my parents do, daily.
I sat, I saw, I sourly swallowed, I choked, and I envied. To have someone next to me, my only comfort is that God, has always been there, and he has always been my company, but while families passed and gave thanks for the year that had passed, I envy having a dad hugging me, my mom smiling, and the presence of a brother.
That moment, it hit me, what I dreaded the most, that emptyness that I work so much on it, filling with anything that I might find along the way. Its dumb that at my age I keep wining about it, but I really, really, really, felt empty.
Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful preach, and it really touched my heart, but it really made me sad, know, that I was sitting alone.
Then I go at nana's and everything gets worst, oh but why Lord, I took another dose of everything I avoid. Holidays are for eating, laughing and sharing, instead of pretending, faking and hating.
I pretended, faked and hated myself for being that trademark mold that everyone wants from me. I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't, I failed, I was weak.
I hate being weak, I hate failing.... Oh dear 2011, you did give me a rought start...
But with INMENSE AMOUNTS of FAITH, I know that everything will improve...
Yesterday at church, made me realize, how much I envy knowing what does the word "family" really is. What I know as family, is something that just for fun my parents do, daily.
I sat, I saw, I sourly swallowed, I choked, and I envied. To have someone next to me, my only comfort is that God, has always been there, and he has always been my company, but while families passed and gave thanks for the year that had passed, I envy having a dad hugging me, my mom smiling, and the presence of a brother.
That moment, it hit me, what I dreaded the most, that emptyness that I work so much on it, filling with anything that I might find along the way. Its dumb that at my age I keep wining about it, but I really, really, really, felt empty.
Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful preach, and it really touched my heart, but it really made me sad, know, that I was sitting alone.
Then I go at nana's and everything gets worst, oh but why Lord, I took another dose of everything I avoid. Holidays are for eating, laughing and sharing, instead of pretending, faking and hating.
I pretended, faked and hated myself for being that trademark mold that everyone wants from me. I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't, I failed, I was weak.
I hate being weak, I hate failing.... Oh dear 2011, you did give me a rought start...
But with INMENSE AMOUNTS of FAITH, I know that everything will improve...
posted by xarchetypex | 12:14 AM
1 Comments:
I'm not your family, not because you're weak, it means you are less important, trust in this God says, I glorify me in your weakness, I use layers in my name, but God uses weak people are saying to see I can not do it, to show that he is God, as well as use to be a stutterer Moses, and use many others, God is capable of changing your weakness for His grace, apart even if your mother and your father will leave you with I will collect all the Lord, I'm not your family, but either way I am your brother in God, I have no earthly blood link, but if paid by Christ Blood, do not think you're alone and you're the One that goes through hardships There are many like you but God will not leave them alone, just hold on when you look back and see how big it was and has been and will be God in your life, I love you in Christ and wish you well! Sincerely, Your Faithful Friend and Brother.
Postscript: In the next kidnapping you XD
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