Some of the past...

Nah, today I will not write an epic post of some random sort of thing or even a thought that is lingering around my head or that twirling. Today is just me.

Plumb - Cut
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut

Pffft! It took me ages to admit and to know that changing one pain for another is only equalizing or gaining more pain than the original...there is not such thing like equivalent trade....

I try really hard not to feel pity and disgust again...of the monster I've become, the Lord knows, that is the only thing that keeps me sane... sweet,sweet insanity... gawd how i miss you....

Sanity: refers to the soundness, rationality and reasonableness of the human mind, as opposed to insanity. A person is sane if they are rational.

Rational, there is nothing in what is now that is currently rational, there is nothing you can measure, nor any method nor thesis nor theory, to understand the experiment of what my life has become.

Pain, four little letters that I known so sweetly well.
P: promises,patience, pathetic, poison, predatory, prisoner
A: anxiety, abandoned, adjust, antigone, astonished, alcoholic
I: idealistic, idiot, indulgence, inpatient, intention,
N: nonsense, nightmare, noise, nostalgic, nowhere, nuclear

No wonder, why I suck at relationships (and besides they are way too complicated), and friendships.

Shit... I'm damaged *laughs*