Damaged

I’m scared, I’m broken, I’m damaged, this is all I know, true love is a fairytale, all around me usually takes a bigger cost than I can afford, it breaks me down every day that passes by, I feel alone, I can’t freely talk of what I feel, I wasn’t taught to trust anyone, just me, but I don’t even trust myself.
I want to say so many things, but I can’t go back, I’m damaged, just like a machine, I can’t respond or even know what I truly feel, but I can describe this wounds that is so painfully, my chest accelerates my breathing, my hands become numb, my stomach disgusts itself, my legs tremble and my back aches.

I just want to close my eyes and never wake up, but I can’t go back, I can’t go back, dreams come easily because is all I know, but its not my true reality, I just want to say things I want to say, but I can’t, I just don’t know how.

I’m damaged, I’m sure that I know, I’m scared, this time all I desired to calm down this fear, is a warm presence that it can feel me, soothing presence that my body is desperately looking for, feeling becomes very painfully, I can’t go back, I can’t back, this time I just want to feel you and you to feel me.

Just Me

Could I ever have some type of remorse of all the shit I tend to do, everything I touch in the sweetest I end up hurting, oh Lord, you know that I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, but I can’t lie to me, this is not the first time that happens to me, I’m not happy, I’m lying to myself, I wish it was like a page you could rip apart and start over.

Looking into his eyes makes me sad, I see no fire anymore, that thing that once made me believe that he was the one, but why? Why? Where did the flame go? It aches a lot just to know that I was a fool, was it me or was it him, I wish it was way different, that I could go back and remember all the good the times I spent next to his, his hugs, his kisses, even his lies, marked me, WHY!

I can taste drama arriving very soon, and I just don’t want to have that in my life anymore, I just want for everything to be ok, is he the true one for me? Is he the one I’ve always waited for? Aren’t you going to answer sweet destiny? Is this also going to be difficult, for me always being hurt and always being played like a freaking fool, HUH!

It hurts, it does ache, it is a true pain I can’t handle, I don’t want to breakdown now, now that I’m alone, now that the true person I trust the most is far apart from me, I need my drug, my addiction, I need it, I hate to depend on it!!! I hate it! I hate it! I FUCKING HATE IT!

Making me weak was the true joke on me huh? Problems, problems, problems, are you testing me to see how much more I can handle huh? You want to see me breakdown and cry out my pain away? Don’t worry destiny, soon it will come that day, but remember this, it won’t be as you expected, this time I might not regret and truly forget everything I promised myself, this time I can’t go back

Lifeless, breathless, that’s who you want me to become… huh… destiny, FREAKING DESTINY!!! I’m tired of taking the safe side, the side that keeps me warm, hell, FUCK THAT! This time I’ll take the other side, the route that will teach me to forget, to ignore, and to overlook.

Liar, Liar

I hear this song playing in my head every time I talk with you, you playing me like a radio, but why the fuck should I care about this, why should I give this situation such importance, oh dear, oh why? I just hear “liar, lair”.

God knows I’m tired of my fantasies involving you, I want to erase everything that makes me a fool in front your eyes, I wish you were my everything, but I’m afraid that I might break you in smaller pieces I already found you.

Liberate

Scary thoughts come to my head, really wicked and perverse things I want to do, all I want to do is hurt myself, so I can forget this pain, all I can do is think of this hatred I feel, all the vengeance that I desired, those emotions that make my body tremble in a sweet inviting adrenaline.

The gasoline that gives my fingers and my head twirl around with my true personality, i seek and seek for the true point of this hatred that I filtered in all my words and thoughts, this emotions become my drug, my addiction, oh sweet impulse I desired every time I find it, that thing that makes me feel so truly alive.

This is the flame, the ingredient of combustion to burn everything that I once thought it wasn’t important enough for me to ignore, but is it true at all that ignorance is a bliss, oh but why I ever wanted to ignore, I just feel breathing in ecstasy, I quiver for everything that feeds this urge that wants all they ever taken away.

Controlling, calculating, scheming, conniving and manipulating, all of them give the same product, like the easiest equation ever, liberate, liberate, fucking liberate of this.

White Lies

Could you look me right through my eyes and tell me that you are interested enough to keep yourself awake all night long, that you want me that bad so this time you could do some right, that you actually find that unique virtue of me pleasing enough, so I could become your everything and the one.


Believe me my kid, I truly would like to believe those appealing words, those phrases that invite me to drop and crash everything that I’ve built so far around me, my walls, my fortress, my shield, I would disappear everything that I possessed just to give you a opportunity, but my dear kid my head keeps saying: “liar, liar.”

My thoughts turn and become this little scene, me becoming your trophy, another conquest, another head decapitate of a powerful emperor, oh dear, oh dear, another little white lie, for me to believe every decent move that might enroll me in.

My heart is drench in white, so many deceits are written all over your face, but somehow, you have made me feel that there might be some good in your soul, to call you a friend, a person to trust, oh how perverse this life is been.

I’ll let time takes it course, and show me your true colors, let me think for once that destiny is not playing a wicked game with me, I’ll wait, be patient, think and wait, for you to become what you want to be.

Issues, Issues

Please take me as i'm crazy or if i'm total lunatic, but i just can't resist just to ignore all of this. My chest trembles and my stomach aches like hell, so why would i shut up all this emotions i today posses.

How could you tell that you love, and yet again destroy and hurt the one thing that i love the most, how can you tell that you truly deeply care for me if at the end the day you just don`t care, how can you even look at my eyes and tell that is everything is going the get better.

Oh, you hypocrite asshole!!! How dare you lie straight to my face and tell that you love me! How can you even dare to hold, and kiss me!! How can you!!!

Throught all this i tried to ignore all this emotions and all this feeling, yes... oh yes... IGNORE! But you try and try and try to take out the worst of me, the crazy, the offensive, the bipolar and specially the evil of me... Please don't get me wrong, you might hurt me alot, but believe I enjoy all of your failures and disasters, that brings all the joy to my life.

But Daddy?.... oh Daddy... would you ever change? Oh wait... you don't care at all, why should you change, why should you even care? You deceipful man, a true actor are indeed before my eyes and a true joker.

You can change my mind with such a dirty smile and such a hypocrite hug, oh yes! That's you, but this... this time, you just fucked big time, and believe i´m enjoying every second, every minute and every hour, just to see your shameless face, be trashed in front, and yes.. oh yes... this time you do need love , and this time you do need patience, tolerance, and other virtues that you just trashed in me.

Oh yes... like sweet, sweet Juliet said: "Oh, happy dagger, this is thy sheath; there rust and let me die. "

Could you ever love like that, just to die for the one you care.... oh believe... i truly believe you wouldn't even dare... right? oh wait... what are the words you always say: " There is always life, and it continues, so why should you stop?"

Believe me for me, if you would ever stop, i would never ever look back and remember you... my true issue in this life