Una despedida a un viejo molde...

Que sabio es ese dicho "que el tiempo perdido hasta los santos lo lloran"

El dia de hoy una frase de una cancion se metio a mi mente y se tatuo solita "the greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is trust to love and love in return"

un buen amigo... dijo algo que le agradecere: "dedicarte tiempo a vos, un buen tiempo, para llegar a saber q es lo q en vrd keres, en vez d probar con alguien, y lastimarlo innecesariamente?"


...innecesarimente...

Alone again...

i've become sharp concrete stone,
i can't believe what it took me ages to create,
is now what its molesting me.

today it was proven real my biggest fear,
senseless being i've become,
Lord! please change the monster i've become.

not able to love, myself nor somebody else,
i hurt, i despise, i ignore.

change me, please change this hatred,
this emotion that i feel against me,
so i can continue, so i can carry on.

today i broked another promise,
i pushed away again a good person,
i guess my destiny is to be alone,
until i can get my things straight.

who would take a damaged person,
a silly uptight being like me.

i try...i try... i try...
yet again... alone again... *sigh*

lame... lame... lame... that is what I am *sigh*

Some of the past...

Nah, today I will not write an epic post of some random sort of thing or even a thought that is lingering around my head or that twirling. Today is just me.

Plumb - Cut
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut

Pffft! It took me ages to admit and to know that changing one pain for another is only equalizing or gaining more pain than the original...there is not such thing like equivalent trade....

I try really hard not to feel pity and disgust again...of the monster I've become, the Lord knows, that is the only thing that keeps me sane... sweet,sweet insanity... gawd how i miss you....

Sanity: refers to the soundness, rationality and reasonableness of the human mind, as opposed to insanity. A person is sane if they are rational.

Rational, there is nothing in what is now that is currently rational, there is nothing you can measure, nor any method nor thesis nor theory, to understand the experiment of what my life has become.

Pain, four little letters that I known so sweetly well.
P: promises,patience, pathetic, poison, predatory, prisoner
A: anxiety, abandoned, adjust, antigone, astonished, alcoholic
I: idealistic, idiot, indulgence, inpatient, intention,
N: nonsense, nightmare, noise, nostalgic, nowhere, nuclear

No wonder, why I suck at relationships (and besides they are way too complicated), and friendships.

Shit... I'm damaged *laughs*

Me cambias por un cigarrillo

Me llenas de tanta lastima, y un poco de dolor,
al verte y sonreir, por mi ventana.

Que te acerques, y me preguntes,
muy dentro de mi, siente la esperanza,
que preguntes: "que tal estuvo mi andar?"
que tal estuvo mi caminar?
que preguntes tan siquiera...
que preguntes si soy digna de amar?

pero veo,
que preguntas que si puedes continuar con tu cigarrillo,
porque mejor no me preguntas,
que si puedes continuar con tu vicio,
que si puedes continuar siendo esa persona que no reconozco,
que si puedes seguir lastimandome,
que si puedes continuar....

desespero por una llamada de tu parte,
para que me preguntes que tal he estado,
que preguntes que tal ha sido mi andar.
pero veo que me llamas solo cuando tienes una peticion.

usame para tu conveniencia, querida mujer.
te amare por siempre, asi sere.

Munheca de Porcelana

tan linda, tan bella, tan eterna,
asi es la munheca de porcelana que descansa en mi recamara,
sonriente, perfecta e intacta.

el tiempo no pasa en su cara de porcelana,
el tiempo no opaca su esmalte ni su mirada,
el tiempo no arruina sus rulos de princesa adorada,
tan linda, esa munheca de porcelana.

para ella el contar de los dias, es como el contar de los segundos,
eternos, infinitos, ciclicos e inmundos,
ella estara siempre atrapada entre dos mundos.

dime princesita de mirada dorada,
esperas a alguien que te saque esta situacion tan estropeada?
que alguien quiebre tu cascaron de donde estas atrapada?
o acaso anhelas siempre ser adorada?

Jamas lo sabre...verdad mi munhequita de porcelana