Words from the most amazing guy ever....

you're a princess.
no porque sos bella, no porque sos
um.. no se
sos princesa porque Jesus died for you, making you
hija del Rey
that makes you more precious than gold!

I definitely quote: "I gave you all"

*listens to song* I gave you all - Mumford & Sons

While I listen to those beautiful arrangements of the banjo in this song, I begin to analyze the lyrics, scrutinize every word, and amazingly the song actually got into me, and even got me inspired to write something about.

I guess the effect of laying around the bed, drinking my new brand coffee, yay! *giggles* and being in the dark *has very dark passionate purple curtains*, it turned the artsie switch on X3.

I always write about my problems, and issues that constantly annoy my mere existence or things the depresses me, but I never write about myself, me, as a person, as a individual, about the goals, dreams, about anything silly that might happened along the way. It turns out that, like the song says, "I gave you all" to my family, the truth is that, I've never being trully selfish. I sacrificed every memory of my childhood in the quest to try and fix my family, in the search of trying not going insane, in the quest of being "normal" and yet I have no idea what the word normal applies to.

That quest, that search, it ripped everything I had, and like the song says: "And you rip it from my hands, And you swear it's all gone, And you rip out all I have, Just to say that you've won." Actually, that quest, won for a lot of time, even the last day of the year, it totally defeated me. I cried my heart out and force out of myself a mediocre happiness.

I refuse, blindly to content with mediocresy! Why on earth should I?! So, yeah and again I quote the song: "If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy' I could have won." So, its a new year, let it be another type of story. Another type of book. Another once upon time tale, with a "they live happily ever after"; not that happily ever after really exists, but its a start.

I gave all of me, all my integrity, my joy, my friends, my thoughts, my time, my sleep, even me. So, sorry family, I gave you all, and you ripped everything, all what I had. I mean no harm, but its time to let go, I shall not content with the least, I want more, actually definitely I need more.

Yes, pain formed me, but let it be joy mold me.

Beauty in a Breakdown

2011, what a rough start....

Oh well, I never thought, I would be on my lappy, the first day of the year, crying my guts out...

Yesterday at church, made me realize, how much I envy knowing what does the word "family" really is. What I know as family, is something that just for fun my parents do, daily.

I sat, I saw, I sourly swallowed, I choked, and I envied. To have someone next to me, my only comfort is that God, has always been there, and he has always been my company, but while families passed and gave thanks for the year that had passed, I envy having a dad hugging me, my mom smiling, and the presence of a brother.

That moment, it hit me, what I dreaded the most, that emptyness that I work so much on it, filling with anything that I might find along the way. Its dumb that at my age I keep wining about it, but I really, really, really, felt empty.

Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful preach, and it really touched my heart, but it really made me sad, know, that I was sitting alone.

Then I go at nana's and everything gets worst, oh but why Lord, I took another dose of everything I avoid. Holidays are for eating, laughing and sharing, instead of pretending, faking and hating.

I pretended, faked and hated myself for being that trademark mold that everyone wants from me. I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't, I failed, I was weak.

I hate being weak, I hate failing.... Oh dear 2011, you did give me a rought start...

But with INMENSE AMOUNTS of FAITH, I know that everything will improve...