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Location: San Pedro Sula, Honduras

I shall not become, someone else just to please, for I am who I am.

Monday, October 25, 2010

En busca de imaginacion



Espero sentanda en mi mesa de dibujo, de que alguna manera por revelacion divina aparezca el pintor en mi y pinte de los colores mas hermosos mi vida...

Un amigo me pregunto: "Como te imaginas el cielo?"
Yo respondi: "Me lo imagino como un cuadro de pintura, lleno de colores, texturas, figuras y olores inmaginables. Algo que es infinito."


Pero de verdad, padre mio, quisiera un poquito de esos colores, un poquito de esas texturas y un poquito de la imaginacion que es infinita, para poder entrener o divagar mis pensamientos y saber que todo, todo, todo estara bien.

Que todo lo que pasa es un bien, que todo lo no entiendo tiene un proposito, pero padre...en que me he metido... que cada vez que avanzo siento que retrocedo tres mas.

Imagino que estoy parada de un arbol, un suace hermoso, con el amanecer mas exquisito que pudiera desear donde el naranja, el marron y rojo me saludan como viejos amigos, mis mas fieles companhieros. Me abrazan, me envuelven y me aman...

Pero en mi mesa de dibujo el purpura, el azul, el negro y el gris...saludan tan cinicamente y entretenidamente de que quisiera borrar todo y empezar de nuevo... pero de donde tendria el marron? de donde sacara mi verde? especialmente... como haria mi anocher?

Y es que no hay color que no ayude, no hay color que no haga contraste y especialmente no hay color que yo puede degradar...

Quiero mi sauace, quiero mi amenecer pero especialmente quiero...un poco mas de tu imaginacion...

Souvenirs

You never know how strong you are, until being strong is all you got.

I ask for being strong all the time, well here is the Lord's way of showing and teaching of how strong I can become.

And I will become strong, but now Lord.. OH LORD! IN WHAT HAVE I GOT INTO?! Its scary and unsafe, and unknown... but I don't want to keep pretending, lying, ignoring nor faking.

Its enough, I got to let someone in finally, let my truth, my pain, finally take a souvenir shop, so my wounds can heal, so I can sincerely look into my past and don't feel hatred nor vengeance (my sweet combustion).

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Regards...

I guess, finally the awful truth swirling around my head and my thoughts was made real, without a sound or tear, I finally accepted what every inch of my body ached for.

I had to realize that is was there, and that there was no escape of it...the words, the moment, the time and specially the pain, while my heart pounded making music out of the tension and tremor.

But, i guess its time to let go, "so let go, or either get in", I guess there is beauty in a breakdown... "so let go" that is the song that my mind hums while i remember and reframe every second of it.

Its weird... I feel safe.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Awful Truth

I guess... the truth at moments is the resource that you want to hide or at try to ignore... but when it hit back against us... how much pain can it produce.

I realize that at moments lying to myself and trying to convince myself that the "situation" around that person is ok, is blindly admitting that I'm scared of knowing and actually facing that consequences.

But it punctures even deeper every attempt of me to ignore that truth, as I read in a lovely qoute that actually was carved into my soul I was caught up on those words: "Falsehood has an infinity of combinations, but truth has only one mode of being."

One mode, one way.... hmmmm... there is nothing more to it...

Monday, October 4, 2010

No queda nada mas

Queda, eso queda…

Queda, solo amargura,
Quedan, mis ganas de llorar,
Queda, aquel vacio por llenar.

Quedan, momentos pagados,
Quedan, fragmentos de recuerdos mal pegados,
Queda, solo el momento de esperar.

Quedan, las consecuenas de una obra de teatro fracasada,
Quedan, gestos una alegria atada,
Quedan, los espejismos de una vida atrapada.

Quedan, heridas mal sanadas,
Quedan, fantasias maltratadas,
Queda, que poco queda.

Queda, momentos a oscuras,
Quedan, esas malas molduras,
Queda, estas malditas ganas de llorar.

Queda, tan solo queda, mi unica varianza,
Queda, mi fe en mi guianza,
Queda, solo mi Dios, que me brinda tanta esperanza.

Queda, el momento de silencio,
Queda, el momento de esperar,
Queda, si eso queda.